Showing posts with label my life in words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my life in words. Show all posts

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Get with the program

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It took an entire payday (and quite possibly, my first shot at inconveniencing my boss1) to file everything that I need so I can take my GAT but thankfully, I have generous professors who were kind enough to squeeze my forms into their very busy schedules. It's a bit affirming, knowing that I was exchanging messages with somebody I really look up to, an exchange that started out with my plea for help and then later on became an invitation to chat about novels at the department (!!!). Hey, that counts as something no? School also counts as something I can look forward to in 2011 and hopefully, as a step towards New York (which is my original plan but it sort of fell apart when the world made me realize I'm not academically qualified for a foreign university just yet) within two years. I believe in the power of positive thinking. We will do this.

In any case, I already took my GAT (I took it today! It was fairly easy but we never know) and I've begun preparing for January by revisiting old lectures through my readings and my trusty podcasts (which I used to use as a studying shortcut whenever my readings pile up) from iTunes University2.

God, I can't wait to go back. I'm obviously very happy about all of this and if the graduate school motivation graph3 is used as a point of reference, one will be able to tell that I haven't gone far ahead. Which is okay because the most important point of this entry is that I'm right on schedule. And that I haven't given up on my life's Masterplan and/or my dreams.

At least, not yet. (Okay, I hope and pray that I won't ever have to but again, we never know)
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1Well, I'm not really sure. I think my boss is a genuinely nice person so I got off work easily, but I am speaking only from impression and the premise that I like to believe the best of people. I'm just assuming I got an easy pass because I'm new but I'm very unhappy about missing days from work this early. (The weather also made it impossible for me to go to work last tuesday, jsyk)
2 I kind of favor lectures from Columbia University's SIPA program because that's my dream school and program (albeit I am underfunded). Sometimes when I feel like geeking out, I get stuff from the Humanities selection. Favorite: Marianne Talbot.
3 This graph. Get with the program!

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Sunday, September 5, 2010

There Is Nothing Like A Dame

Life is a big game of disappointment management, we all know that. I know I'm allowed to lose my faith in humanity (or family) once in a while but I will live. I can find ways to keep myself happy like plotting world domination or opening a box full of my favorite things. You know, the simple stuff. Speaking of, my boxes from Seattle are finally here. I know I helped in packing it and all but opening it was like Christmas in September! :) In it came the remainder of my shoes, clothes and some stuff for the rest of my family. My playbills, maps, restaurant postcards and other paper memorabilia were in the box, too. It feels so long ago but hey I had a grand time and that's what matters. :)
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Girls of all ages swoon at the sight of Angel Corella in ABT's Romeo and Juliet but I have to say that South Pacific was my favorite. I don't care if that makes me sound uncultured. I really enjoy theater more than ballet, plus we had excellent seats. Excellent enough for wonderful thespians to look you in the eye as they sing in chest-baring nautical outfits. Heh. I also love the songs. It's a shame Matthew Morrisson blew up before I got the chance to watch him play Lt. Cable :">

Also, who wouldn't be happy with books that were practically for free? This should cover the rest of the year or the whole month of September, at the very least. I will arrange them soon and then I will make a list so that I can finally have a decent collection of books. From now on, I'm going to get them back whenever they are borrowed. Like A Boss an adult.

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The two towers. I took home a lot of Sinatra coffee table books, European travel guides (for future reference :D), memoirs of political leaders, books I once had but were borrowed and books I've been meaning to read but was too stingy to purchase (mostly chick-lit and overhyped books/authors). :) For a little over $100, it's not bad. :D

Augh. I just feel so blah today. I'm going to cheer myself up by arranging my shelf. I'll leave you with this. It's an amazing medley. Watch out for There Is Nothing Like A Dame. Total Lonely Hearts song:
There are no booooooks like a daaaaaaame.... :D

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Girls and their blogs

There is a lot of talk about girls who blogged (or tweeted) about the recent hostage fiasco and the online shitstorm they're taking for their thoughts. For clarity, I do not agree with what they've said or posted. As a veteran of all things online, I'm just sorry they had to learn this lesson the hard way. As for me, I'm glad I'm way past that phase in my life--searching for who I am and want I want, learning which thoughts to give out and what to filter. Oh, it is so daunting and at times, terrifying. The bane of our generation is that we're given a bigger platform to express ourselves and when we do, there comes a time when we forget our boundaries. We feel so powerful and limitless, only to be taken aback by the huge backlash that comes after a short period of peace. I believe we call it social media suicide right now? Yes.

I think we're all allowed to make mistakes, inorder to build ourselves and make us better people. I have a lot, a few of them more cringe-worthy than most people. When I was fourteen, I didn't know who I was so I tried to pattern myself after people I admire. I refused to admit to it then because I was an arrogant teenager, but I did. It was such a struggle. I wanted to make myself like myself a little bit more, to the point of annoying everyone around me and even those who didn't know me. This vicious cycle continued until I went to college, where the pressure to be cool was even higher than when I was in high school. Everybody had a group, everybody wanted to be liked. Everybody wanted to fit in. I was guilty of stereo-typing myself into the typical college girl, even if I knew I was so much more than that. I still did. I don't know why, but I did. I guess I wanted to fit in so badly that I allowed myself to be stupid, even if I knew I was so much more than that. Back then, I felt that a constructed image of myself was so much better than the real version. I was very immature. Firing off thoughts here and there that I will never be caught saying now that I am older, doing things I know I should not have done. All for posterity. All for "friends". All for being "cool". The repercussions of my actions will always be something I have to live with. That's the end-game, the curse of youth. The bargain in exchange for my learning lessons I have surely learned the hard way. Today, I am the way I want myself to be. I can't please everybody but I like myself a little better. All original, no thoughts to copy, fights to answer to or parties to go to. I have learned that social-climbing/networking/fitting in/whatever-you-want-to-call-the-struggle-of-being-accepted is so complex that the best (and only) way to ward it off is to stop trying altogether. One day, these girls will too. They will shed off that "Love me or Hate me" attitude and become their own person.

I've seen the posts, I've seen the mocking. People aren't really kind online. In fact, being unreachable has given all of us the excuse to be vicious. Unforgiving. The ease of commenting anonymously allows us to be self-righteous even if no one is squeaky clean. These girls are young. They will say things they don't really mean before they realize it is too late to undo anything. It'll take them a few more years to realize the gravity of what they have done. I'm sure a few jolts of reality has crept up on them right now but it'll take them time to fully wrap their head around things. When that time comes, I'm sure they will feel remorse. I just wish these people who keep on taunting these girls would just take time to give them good advice. Something they can learn from, written in a cordial way. Instead of rage, why not show some pity? Some compassion? Cut them some slack, please. And if the urge of mocking or retaliating comes, give them a piece of your mind through teaching them. Do not mock. We wish for a better world, afterall. A happier Philippines. Well, a happy Philippines needs positivity. They are young girls, they still have a lot to learn. Don't we all?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sleep All Day

It's a saturday and I'm very sleepy--although that fact may be attributed to my recent Advil dependency. I've taken to self-medication because if there's anybody in this world I'd like to see less of, my dentist would be it. She always finds something to dig through, drill clean or take out from my mouth. I believe I am scheduled for an impacted tooth extraction, a minor surgery. And that leaves me in sweats whenever I think about it because I am a wimp. I have a liver of steel, yes, but it's offset by a baby-ish tolerance for pain. I have delayed my little procedure quite successfully by flying to America but I sure can't avoid it now since it's hurting again. :( Le fu.

Dental woes aside, I'm currently in the East. I'm babysitting my cousins whose parents are off to Montreal for a conference. I don't know what I'll do for the day. I think I'm just going to rest and read. I finally found a copy of Looking for Alaska this week, and that's about it for the most exciting event that has happened in my life lately. Either that, or finishing Suzanne Collins' Mockingjay which I will write about once everyone's done reading their copy. All I do is read. I've been too lazy to behave like an adult lately. I think it's safe to say I'm in a rut and the sooner I get out of it, the better. This article about emerging adulthood and people in their 20s has never rang so true. It annoys me that am so choosy, I can't commit to an idea unless I see myself in it long enough. Then again, I am impatient too. So I don't want to wait for things I am willing to commit to (which is very grave, very grave indeed as I only have to wait for five more months). I just don't want to settle, that's all. I don't want to be counterproductive either. So yes. I don't know. I don't know what I want exactly.

On a non-inquisitive note, check out today's morning view:
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Catch you later, when I'm in a better mood. For now, *yaaaawwwn*